Dead Good Thoughts

In the recent times, we have watched some documentaries or series which are based on pensioners, most of them popular. Hard to Please OAP’s, The Real Marigold on Tour are some of them. Don’t ask me why. It is one of those things that you unconsciously start doing without realizing that you are turning into a pensioner or simply getting old.

Now, without digressing anymore let me tell you about this series that we watched. Miriam’s Dead Good Adventures. I am not sure how many of you will be able to watch this series, but I am glad I got the opportunity to watch it. Death is not a favourite topic of conversation. Even though it is an essential one, it is very difficult to bring it up conversationally and be able to talk about it freely. We feel like we are jinxing ourselves. That is why I am glad to see this 2 episode series.

In this Miriam tries to confront her fear of death and attempts a few things that are being done in different places to help her with that. She also talks to a few people who have had a brush with death or who are close to the edge. There are lot of things that are covered in these episodes, but I was glad that my doubts were also discussed.

I have never been afraid of death. I am afraid of not being able to function to my full capability but never about death. I have had two schools of thought and I keep changing from one to other at various times. Do I like to have some time before my death or do I want to have a quick and speedy death?

I am a planner. I like planning stuff and getting it done and ticking the items on the list and feeling happy about it. I am not manic about it, but I like it. I like to see that I have sorted my affairs without causing much trouble for others. So, for very long I have been in favor of having some time before my death so that I can sort out my affairs, make sure my folks know my laptop and account passwords, they know what I have written on my will and how it has to be executed, where do I want my ash spread (I want to be cremated after donating as much of my well-functioning organs) etc. etc.

Now for that I would have to either know my time of death (through astrology probably or some other magical means), or be given a time range because of some incurable disease. Now that throws up a question. It is not very easy to predict someone’s death time (even though I have heard that astrology can help you with that), and the other option means that I would be suffering an incurable disease. The fact that the disease is incurable or it is in a stage where it is incurable means that it is going to be a lot more painful that my monthly periods and that is something I hate. I hate my menstrual cramps. Anything else I can bear. Would I want to suffer that pain?

When I think in those lines, I move towards the other option. Wouldn’t it be great to just drop dead and not feel anything? Let the others who are left behind deal with what is left of me, because I wouldn’t know or care after I am dead, would I? Now just thinking about this makes me feel not want to choose this option. I get very tetchy when I don’t set out what I want after death, but again would I even know if my wishes were fulfilled once I am dead? Would my soul hover around those to whom I have given the list of things to do and haunt them until they do it? Since I don’t know about that, there is no point in me actually taking time to sort things out isn’t.

Now the whole post went in to a rant mode didn’t it? You see what I mean when I say I am not very sure of how I want it to be? Of course, at the end, I might not have a choice at all, as is mostly the case. Would I give up and ask them to pull the plug? I might. Depends on what the situation is. But having let my thought process out and wondering what my next option on that would be, I know that deep down I would love to have a little bit of time at least to say goodbye to the people I love, one last time. Would I have enough of good karma to have that time? Only time will tell.

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