That thin line…

I don’t remember what made me angry, but there I was trying to control the venom that I might spew if I happen to open my mouth and looking down at those two and thinking how to say something without yelling. It is very rare that I get such bouts of anger where I have to make so much effort to not go off the grid. That has happened only almost 5-6 times so far in my life and those times I have lost that person forever (philosophically that is) and have never regretted that too. And here I am on the verge and they are scurrying in the room and trying to make excuses I am not able to digest and wondering if this is the time I want them to be out of my life. If so then I better let my anger out. Just when I am contemplating and thought I had come to a decision, I get a phone call. Gee!!! What a timing and who would call me at this time and for what!!! Fuming, I pick it up and see the name and get some additional irritation. It is my manager. He says, ‘Hello’. ‘Yeah?’, I ask him. He is used to me not saying hello and going straight to the point. ‘Are you awake?’ , he asks. I am suddenly confused and say ‘No , not yet’. He mumbles ‘OK, then will catch you later , bye’ and ends the call. I look at it and put it down and turn back to those two. And then it strikes me, ‘wait ! what!!! Why should I be awake ?’ and I jerk up in my bed fumbling for my phone only to see that there indeed was a call from my manager 😦 Aw! Shucks!!! 

How the breaking point sounds

I always love my car journey. In spite of the traffic and other nonsense that happens on the road, I do love it because I keep listening to songs and that sort of zones me out, and I am pretty fair in multitasking (that is to say that I can listen to a song , may be sing along and drive carefully too). And today, the album that got played was ‘Living things‘ by Linkin Park.

There is this song ‘Lies Greed and Misery‘, a proper rappish number, with some screaming involved too. At times when we are very angry, most of us don’t get words or rather I don’t get words to speak out. I stammer a lot at that time and my brain sort of gets overloaded, my blood pressure shoots up and I don’t know if I have to try screaming (which I have never done till now) or rather hit the wall (not my thing again) or give a death stare (works most of the time) and give a few choice words (but haven’t cursed till now). Finally I resort to bringing down the  boiling heat and then give the other a piece of my mind.

There was one such incident where I was super angry and yet couldn’t convey everything that I wanted to, because of all the people and shouting involved and I couldn’t get the anger out of my head even when things calmed down. When I heard this song today, I imagined that situation and thought what if I had this song then. Especially the lines

What is it you want me to tell ya?
I’m not the failure
I would rather live and let be
But you can’t make the right kinda threat to
Push me to let you
No, you can’t intimidate me
You disrespect me so clearly
Now you better hear me
That is not the way it goes down
You did it to yourself and it’s over
Now let me show ya exactly how the breaking point sounds

Imagine what would have happened if  I stepped back in between all the screaming and shouting and starting singing these lines and literally screamed the words to that person.

I wanna see you choke on your lies
Swallow up your greed
Suffer all alone in your misery
Choke on your lies
Swallow up your greed
Suffer all alone in your misery

Sounds stupid, but hey I cannot talk straight when I am angry, but I can sing!!!! Whether it will diffuse the situation or push the person beyond the breaking point, I don’t know. But then that is the intention isn’t 😉

Oh boy, I think I am getting insane…..