And the winner is
Encountered a weird contest this morning. I was a little sleep deprived, thanks to the work, some personal stuff and also the cramps (workout’s taking effect) and was waking up one too many times in between. And I was so tired that I had half a mind to skip my work out today morning, in the middle of the night. So when the alarm went off at 5.45 am, I don’t remember switching that off except for the fact that I was there telling to myself looking at me lying in the bed that the alarm is totally faking it and that it isn’t almost 6 yet and that I should be getting back to my sleep. I looked up and for a second I was wondering what was happening and how can an alarm fake the time for god sake. And I am about to check it out that I hear myself telling me that its so cold and dark outside and if I didn’t believe it, I can go and see for myself blah blah blah. I was so confused for a few mins. I was half awake and yet half asleep. It was like one part of me (the demonic side I guess) wants me to take my thought of skipping the work out seriously and really really skip it but there was one part of me (may be not the angelic side but a practical side) which was wondering how a alarm can fake a time and seeing myself talking to me wasn’t all that right from any angle. After a few mins of this struggle , mostly internal, I really woke up and saw the time as 6.10 am. Sat in my bed for a few minutes to gather my thoughts wondering what the hell really happened and then got ready for my class. I know for sure, I don’t want myself to see me (is that how I should write it ?) any way and any how (like using that time machine and stuff) because it is so weird and so confusing. The only place I would really like myself to see me is in the mirror, thank you very much. But yeah, I am glad at least the practical side me won the contest, irrespective of the fact that I ended up getting more cramped in my legs.
Viewer’s envy, Owner’s pride
I took this shot while driving in the bus to Fort Williams in Scotland. I am not a person who is envious of anything of others. No point in it. But this view stumped me for a few seconds. I really wished I could live in a place like that, but then I keep thinking of that , of a lot of places. But this place has all of my favorites: Water front, green plains, view of the mountains and calm and serene environment. I don’t need such a big house. I always prefer small and compact homes where we are not lost to each other (and not giving the other, enough space to go hide in case I annoy them too much 😉 ). So that is the one thing I would want to change, but the rest I will take it as is. I know this is something out of my reach now, but I can always dream can’t I ? Who knows someday I might be able to make that dream come true too ! What about you, any specific preferences ?
Dream or Forewarning
Ever since I had that weird almost real dream I am slightly perturbed. I almost have dreams daily, but I never remember them. Sometimes, the only thing I remember is getting up in the middle of the night and wishing that the dream would go away and something nice would come up in my dream, for a change. But there were a few dreams that I remember very well, but they never came too close to reality for my comfort, even though they did represent something at that time. They were just that. Dreams. Except that when I woke up, I remembered them.
I am afraid of heights, but that doesn’t stop me from going to the top of the building to the terrace from where I could see the whole city. I can feel the sweat in my palms and my heart beat increases so much that it is very erratic. But I feel slightly ecstatic too to be up there on the top. And the next thing I remember is falling down head first.
I used to have this one very frequently growing up but I don’t remember when it stopped. I am not suicidal and have never had those kind of thoughts ever (even though my mother will say that I do drive people around me to that extreme once in a while, but again my mother can be a little bit dramatic and sarcastic at times too) Is it because I have been there , done that ? I am referring to the ‘The falling down head first’ thing in a metaphorical manner 🙂 But I am glad that it stopped. Can’t have those kind of dreams at this age.
This was the time when I was very young and when I had got my bicycle. I am running errand for my mother in my cycle and am coming back from the shop. When I near my street, I see that is blocked. Blocked by HUGE elephants. I say it in caps because for me it looked like they were double their normal size and I wasn’t that tiny even when I was young. Some standing, some lying on the road blocking my way to my home. I am not afraid of elephants. We see them in the temples and in Kerala, its very common to see them even in those small village temples, especially if there is any function going on. I am trying to get past them carrying my bicycle with me, but they don’t seem to give me an inch. I am afraid that if I offend them they will just crush me and I want to protect my cycle too. I keep wondering what to do and try to squeeze through the edge.
I don’t remember how that dream ended or even why I had that dream in the first place. But that did put me a little apprehensive of the elephants when they are too close. Not afraid, just being cautious.
Me and my friend are travelling in a bus talking about something and nothing and suddenly when there is a stop and she is trying to get down in that stop. I tell her that it isn’t the right one , but she looks at me and still gets down in that stop. I call out to her that she is doing a mistake and that she should stick with me and get down together where we were supposed to and not quit in between. But she looks at me and walks away. I keep mumbling about how she does this all the time and doesn’t listen and wish that she realizes what she is doing until I get down in my stop.
This one I did go back and relate it to my friend because we were going through a similar problem in life and I thought that her decision wasn’t the right one. And she confirmed it after a few years later. It was so weird to have that dream at that time because I wasn’t even sure where I was going to land in life. Everything for me was still a question and there were no definitive answers and no end to the trouble we were facing. Weirdly, we both ended up in the same place, even though the time and route were different. Apparently, looked like she did catch a much later bus 🙂
These are the three dreams that I remember quite well, the recent one making it fourth in the list. I don’t know if I believe that dreams mean something, because I have them everyday and I don’t remember them at all. But if that applies only to those that we remember then yeah, may be they do. Are those a kind of forewarning? If that was the case, what does the recent one indicate ?
That thin line…
I don’t remember what made me angry, but there I was trying to control the venom that I might spew if I happen to open my mouth and looking down at those two and thinking how to say something without yelling. It is very rare that I get such bouts of anger where I have to make so much effort to not go off the grid. That has happened only almost 5-6 times so far in my life and those times I have lost that person forever (philosophically that is) and have never regretted that too. And here I am on the verge and they are scurrying in the room and trying to make excuses I am not able to digest and wondering if this is the time I want them to be out of my life. If so then I better let my anger out. Just when I am contemplating and thought I had come to a decision, I get a phone call. Gee!!! What a timing and who would call me at this time and for what!!! Fuming, I pick it up and see the name and get some additional irritation. It is my manager. He says, ‘Hello’. ‘Yeah?’, I ask him. He is used to me not saying hello and going straight to the point. ‘Are you awake?’ , he asks. I am suddenly confused and say ‘No , not yet’. He mumbles ‘OK, then will catch you later , bye’ and ends the call. I look at it and put it down and turn back to those two. And then it strikes me, ‘wait ! what!!! Why should I be awake ?’ and I jerk up in my bed fumbling for my phone only to see that there indeed was a call from my manager 😦 Aw! Shucks!!!