Happy for you

I am a little late for this prompt, but my Saturday went in a blur and I don’t remember half of it ūüėČ
But one thing that I was glad to hear as the first news yesterday was the Supreme Court’s ruling of same sex marriages in USA. Nothing could have put me in a good mood and I was really happy to get drunk on it ūüôā
Seriously though, I was glad for my friends for whom this court ruling makes a WHOLE LOT of difference in their lives. When I went to USA this May, I was fortunate to be the photographer of the civil court marriage of two of my very close guy friends. I don’t care what any religion says, all I care about is for my family and friends to be happy and if they find their partner or soulmate in the same sex, so be it. And this legal decision goes a long way to bring equality in a manner of sorts. I am also happy to post this on this Gay Pride Day (it is already Sunday here as per IST, so).

IMG_8134

And I love the last paragraph of Justice Kennedy’s speech. I am posting it here, because it has the word ‘some’ in it ūüėČ So yeah I did fulfill the prompt’s challenge.

 

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.
It is so ordered.

Let me go ahead and use the other word too and end this post with a quote…

‚ÄúLife is a sum of all your choices”.

To all those to whom this decision makes a difference, Congratulations! and a big hug from me!


Post for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‚Äúsome/sum.‚ÄĚ Use either or both words, or choose a word in which either are used as a prefix or suffix. Have an awesome time with it!

SoCS Badge by Doobster @ Mindful Digressions

One-Liner Wednesday – Training

I thought I will give it a skip this week, but a conversation that happened over dinner with friends made me want to write about it.

One of our friend had to take a conference call but since we were late from dinner, he decided to take it from his car (and he has a bluetooth speaker¬†and all that stuff available for these purposes, so totally safe and legal).¬†The other girl asked him how long the calls usually last and how involved he should be, and he replied ‘2-3 hours but its mostly listening to those folks’. Her immediate reply was

Damn man!!! you guys are trained for marriage !!! 

O K K

This Sunday, went to the newly released Tamil Movie ‘O Kadal Kanmani‘. This isn’t about my views on the movie, although I should say that I was impressed by the storyline and liked the movie a lot. Good music, very good background score, handsome hero, beautiful and expressive heroine, understanding old couple… It had its moments of cliche’s and unwanted scenes, but overall was a breezy and nice romantic drama.¬†This isn’t the first movie to talk about live-in relationships. There was a Thriller called ‘Pizza’ which had a small plot but since it wasn’t very important to the main story line, it got breezed over. But this being the romantic drama, the story revolved around that and also about Alzheimer’s of an older couple. It reminded me of the movie ‘Away from Her‘, which is so amazing and so heart wrenching.

Incidentally, just a week before, even before I knew the plot of this movie, one of my friend was coercing me , as usual, to get ‘settled’ in life a.k.a get married again. He is a little conservative in his opinions and beliefs. So when we ended up talking about marriage and live in relationships, he told me that it wouldn’t suit our culture. I told him that I ain’t as worried about the culture as I am worried about my comfortability with it. He wasn’t convinced, as usual ūüôā Having grown up in a conservative and orthodox family, until I started work, I had no clue as to what live-in relationship really meant. But then once I started work, and got to know about the outer world, I should say I was a little surprised, but then as long as people involved are happy and content, it is fair and OK with me. Once, a young girl in my hostel came to me and asked me what I thought about live-in relationships. I had no clue as to how to answer her,¬†because ¬†she sort of looked up to me and I didn’t want to be in a position to guide her in these matters, when I wasn’t sure what it entailed. This society being a patriarchal society even now, I had heard of cases where the women were the ones who end up being emotionally hurt (not to mention in some cases where the physical hurt was also involved)¬†in such relationships. Not until 2005, cohabitation or live in relationships were even recognized. I told her that as long as the people involved were¬†strong enough to handle the ups and downs of it as it would be in any relationship, it is fine with me.

There is a line in the movie, where the hero’s sister in law sort of interrogates the heroine suspecting something and when she is confronted, the heroine agrees to their living arrangement. So the sister in law asks if¬†they were gonna get married. For which the heroine asks how does a marriage certificate would change anything at all with the way they live. Finally they do get married for a different reason, but that is entirely their prerogative and not because they wanted to prove something to¬†the elders, who didnt understand their live in arrangement. Where do I stand with these kind of relationships?¬†I don’t think I would mind¬†a live in relationship to be with someone whom I like and can actually see a future with, if not forever at least a few years.¬†If that has to be sealed, signed and delivered, for all practical and legal purposes through a marriage, then that is the path the relationship should go through. Does a marriage certificate really change the relationship ? I would say, yes, it does to some extent. It gives it a legal binding and we are emotionally attached to it so some extent. Some people need that kind of grounding and trust that comes with it. But not all. ¬†I believe emotionally , it doesn’t matter. Until¬†the emotional attachment between the people involved is strong and alive, the paper¬†binding holds good and has value. Else…

I am glad that such topics are being handled in the mainstream Tamil movie and making people at least start talking about it, rather than in hushed tones.

Random musings

Disclaimer: These are just some random thoughts on a matter and I may or may not make sense.

Recently the talk of marriage came up with a friend. As one of the discussion points I told her that we don’t need rings/rituals or a paper to tell you that you are married to a person. All you need is a strong bond between the people involved. And that comes from companionship, trust and love (rest can be added later I think, at least these three are more important to me and also I wanted to keep the list small and simple to begin with). The rest of it is just the logisitics. That lead me to the quote I had once posted. Here it is:

You may have heard the word ‚Äėmarry‚Äô as a nautical term. It refers to the sailors‚Äô practice of matching two ropes together to give them greater strength as one.

Now having said that I wondered if I told her because that is what she wanted to hear or was it something I believed. After a little more thought on what I did in my life, I realized that I believd what I told her. That is the main reason I didn’t want a grand wedding or anything like that (but still ended up doing it for other’s sake). Registration was required for other logistical purposes by other interested parties. Trust me, if I had had my way with what I believed, I would have saved 5 years of my life. I never believed that my ex-husband’s life was bound to that holy thread. All those years we were involved, I did believe that I was sort of married to him in a way. And to think that an event (called wedding) which was supposed to seal an existing bond (aka marriage) would end up breaking that very bond is a sad thing.

So in a way, I was proven right. But only to myself and I didn’t need any proof for my belief. Sad state of affairs? It is. But that is life and it’s totally fine. I got to grow up as a person a little more after that. That doesn’t mean I am against those rituals or beliefs etc etc. To each their own. But yes, I do still believe that a ring or a holy thread (I am not including that piece of paper because that creates a lot of issues later than anything else) don’t matter in a real sense if the people involved ¬†are willing to make their bond work (probably forever. Side note: I love happy endings). And my friend bought that thought too.¬†

together, yet not too near

Let me start with this: I don’t believe in love-at-first-sight (except for in the novels,which I absolutely love to read, if written well) and I don’t think work place romance or office romances are good. Recently office romance was something I kept hearing from various sources and that prompted this post. A few weeks back one of my friend told me that he fancied a girl in¬†his office. Even before he could continue, I told him ‘It’s not that I am discouraging you from romance of any sort, but if you ask me, I won’t encourage office / work place romances. If you really want to find that someone, try finding her¬†outside of your work place’. His argument was that since he doesn’t go out much, he could get to know about people in the work place much better and what was wrong with that. Well, nothing wrong with that, unless the people involved are matured enough to handle things in a decent manner if things don’t go that well between them. Also there are lot of policies that you need to adhere to while at work place, which makes it all the more difficult. Honestly, that is a bit too daunting if you ask me.

Let alone romances, I personally don’t feel that a couple should work in the same company. Of course, I have been proved wrong by a lot of couple’s who found each other in my company and have been happily married and are still here (and I have been in this company for more than a decade now, so yeah, I have seen quite a few of them right from their initial stage of romance). Even in my first company, one of my close friend was married and I didn’t know that her husband worked in the same company and in fact in my department, while she was working in¬†another department. I knew about it¬†only because¬†she mentioned him. I would have never guessed it. They hardly saw each other, never acknowledged except for a ‘hi’ , treated each other just like another colleague-from-another-department. When I asked her why she wouldn’t want to hang out with him, she said ‘its more than enough that we have only each other at home, otherwise it would get very boring’. I agree with her on that totally. Imagine looking at a person and being in each other’s space 24/7. I am sure to go mad after a couple of days. I remember¬†Khalil Gibran’s quote

     You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

….

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

I have seen the downside of a couple being in the same organization. In my first company, when it got downsized, they had a policy that they¬†will allow the couple to choose on who is going to remain in the company because they rather retrench from the¬†set of couples instead of keeping both of them in the company and letting go of others so as to be fair. I am not expert on human resource stuff but from a couple’s point of view, just imagine the kind of pressure on them. Also recently, one of the companies has announced that they are¬†closing¬†down their offices completely. ¬†If a couple is working there then at a single shot, both of them will be¬†out of work. Its just not easy. Especially if they have kids, loans and other commitments.

So yeah, no office romances, no couple working in the same organization and no love at first sight. Hmm.. I thought I was romantic!