I would let go of this dream, for sure.

It has been a very crazy day. Too many things to do and too little time. And getting up after a very crazy dream, I guess it might tend to do you in.

I don’t believe in aliens or zombies. So it was so confusing for me when I woke up the first time at 5.30 am it was because I was dreaming of aliens and I could realize myself thinking (in my dream), ‘what the hell, I don’t even believe in them. so why am I dreaming of them’. Do you ever get that feeling ? It was so crazy. So I wake up, look around a bit and then promptly go back to sleep only to dream something about my mom 🙄 That might be because we were talking about her yesterday and I was confused as to what kind of gift to buy for her. It is always difficult choice when it concerns her. If she doesn’t like it, she would not hesitate to give me an earful for ‘wasting’ my money. And then I woke up at 7.30 am. My plans to get up early gone for a toss.

I do get dreams almost daily, but I never remember them. Only on odd days like today I remember a little bit of it especially when I wake up wondering what the hell I dreamt about. At least I stopped having dreams about animals. Now those were some weird dreams.

What is the first thing you do?

What is the first thing you do when you know your family is coming over next week to stay with you?

 

 

 

 

Well, I clean up the fridge.

After all, how much stuff do you need for a single person who cooks very simple stuff right? But then I have no idea why it always ends up looking like there is a whole grocery store in here. Every time my brother comes, he takes one look at the fridge and then another look at me and tells me ‘at least get this cleaned up before mom comes over, otherwise…’ So, finally today was the day. Just a couple of days before my mom is gonna land at my place. Not that I am afraid of her, I just don’t want to see her eyebrows shoot up in a blatant disapproval, even after all these years 😉 That is my excuse.

 

What do you do?

 

Just a random thought

Recently when I was discussing with someone about talking to my mom about an issue, I told them that I am never sure how she would react to something I tell her. In my experience, I have always seen that when I expect her to be all shocked and flabbergasted in turn leading me to some slight high pressure moments, she goes like ‘hmmm…’ and then nothing… and then my pressure drops suddenly. That is never good. And then when I expect her to be accepting, she becomes all cranky and reacts as if I have gone back in time and have meddled with the events and hence meddled with the future too…as if the whole evolution is my fault. That is when I go on a ‘WTH just happened’ mode and I can never find a way out of it.

During that discussion, I found out one thing. I am not sure if that is true, but I know that I have been there once and I will never forget that moment. So probably this is what goes through my mom’s mind too and why she reacts that way. Are you ready ? OK…here it goes.

Let’s take an example. I was pretty sure, she was gonna go ballistic on me when I tell her that I got a tattoo done. So, I start with ‘hey mom…you know what… I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time now..but never found out the right time….I know it was a risky thing to do but then…’ pause for some effect. Now as soon as I open the line… ‘I have been meaning’….my mom’s mind creates a whole mind map thing and creates if’s and what if’s and what I might have done…and it invariably goes to the worse case scenario and she starts to think, what has she done now…is it related to her life, has she done something again that will harm her, what am I supposed to do, why is she like this ? etc etc etc…and after a few nano seconds where she has all the worse possible things I could tell her, she is now waiting for me to choose the worst from them.

And she is already planning arguments, counter arguments or ways to accept in her own way…and by the time I am there to tell her about the tattoo…she has got a spectrum of bad things I can tell her to the worst things I can tell her.

Now if what I tell her falls in the lesser than bad point of the spectrum, then she goes with ‘hmmm…its not a big deal’ ( and in her mind she thinks…at least it is not as bad as I thought…Good Lord! and has a mental phew! moment) but if it falls on the other end of it , that is worse than the worst of her spectrum, she goes ballistic. Because she hasn’t mentally prepared herself for it even a teeny tiny bit. And if it is within the spectrum, she is ready for the battle with her arguments all mapped out.

So with my tattoo…I guess it was on the lowest scale of her spectrum and she just went….’you are nuts!’ and left it there and never spoke of it again.

I am sure, this may not make much sense…but it could a possible scenario to consider isn’t , especially when you are trying to figure out people and their reactions 😉 ?

SoCS: Waiting at the entrance

I have never been away from home till I joined work. I was one of the two / three day scholars (as against the hosteler) during both of my graduations (under and post). The first time I came home after I joined work in a slightly far away city, I was greeted by my mom at the entrance. She must have been waiting there since my dad came to pick me up at the station. Her face brightened as soon as she saw me (it was just 3-4 months since she saw me actually) and suddenly I was engulfed in a hug. Tears sprang to my eyes, because I never remembered being hugged by her. We are not the hugging types actually, except for my sister who at times demands it. Honestly at that time, I wondered what went wrong considering her reaction and I even thought she was slightly over reacting. Its just 3-4 months right and I wasn’t as home sick because I called them regularly , talked through letters and they were kept well informed about the day today activities there and I , theirs. But as years passed by and I got to the same kind of treatment everytime I got home after six months (it was almost a 2 day journey from my work city) I wondered if she really missed her eldest that much. Over all these years, the waiting at the entrance and the big hug before I left home for my work city never changed. And I sort of started looking forward to it. In the recent years, she is not keeping that well and getting up earlier to wait for me is something she is not able to do , because of her meds which makes her drowsy. But she would be awake in her bed as soon as I enter our home and wait for me to come to her. Except for a big hug, now she makes room for me to go over and lie down with her and hug her for some time, until she gets fully awake and leaves me sleeping contentedly.

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This post is written for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt by Linda.
This week your Prompt will be ‘entrance.’ As a noun or verb, literally or loosely, you choose how to write your post around the concept.

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