Why I avoid hospitals?

I don’t like going to big hospitals for my health issues. I don’t mind if I have to do it for someone else. Why? Lot of reasons actually. I like being fit and fine. It is mandatory for me. I get cranky if I become unwell. And recently there have been many incidents to test my patience on that front. I think I better bear it up and face it and fix it. So, having had not a good affinity towards the hospitals and doctors, I try to lighten up the mood whenever I am in there. Once when I had to take my friend to the Emergency room because she was running very high fever (104 F or so) and fainted in her house, I ended up cracking jokes and messing up with her ( as soon as she got up) so much that she started laughing out loud (hey friend, if you are reading this, you know the incident ;)) , that the doctor in the room got sick of us and looked at me as if he will strangle me bare handed. I hate the tense mood there at times and I don’t like watching people fall sick either, especially kids.

This time, I was in severe pain already and my friend had accompanied me to a Neurosurgeon. The first mistake I did was to tell him that I am a software engineer. Usually when I say this, it will be either the wheels will start turning in the heads of the doctors to see how much money they can extract from us in forms of this test and that test or how they can make us claim insurance blah blah.. or the worse case will be , they will start belittling us about how our work environment is so pathetic that we earn enough but risk our health and its sort of a good for nothing industry blah blah… But surprise surprise, this doctor , who was quite young, became so bright eyed that I was shocked for a second. ‘Software Engineer you say? Oh my God… I love computer science. I don’t know why I became a Neurosurgeon. Even now I make sure to study a bit here and there and use it. I can do this in excel and all that you know…so what do you do’, he asked. ‘I do design and coding in Java’, I said. ‘Wow… Java you say…that is really nice… I like it you know..how you people write some thing in an non understandable junk text and then you make something work and then the graphical interfaces ….just change a line and the look changes again…its like Magic’, he continued. By now, I forgot my pain and was worried that he is gonna give me his resume for a job in my company. Me and my friend exchanged panicked looks between us. He was talking all the while he was checking my vitals and the nerve related problems. First time ever I heard a doctor praise my line of work (not that I care, but still) and got so much engrossed with it to explain that he is using Axis sometimes for storing his patients record etc etc… And then came the line ‘Better take an MRI scan because I suspect it to be either a muscle spasm or a slip disc’. My face must have changed color because my feelings changed from panic to horror .

Now comes the funny part. I have seen the MRI scanning machine in the movies. But since they don’t show the insides of it, I didn’t think of it as anything scary at the least. But after a long wait, when I finally was let inside, all the fear came up again. I am claustrophobic. I hate closed spaces, especially if that space is almost touching my nose, you bet I will try to crawl out of it. As soon as the guy put the head phones (to mute the sounds he said) and pushed me in, I was reminded of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. Remember her coffin scene.


Just like this yeah… Now my common sense told me that I should not try to crawl back outside…So I shut my eyes and brought my hand together (like in a prayer) so tight that it eventually hurt at the end. And the noise inside…Gosh..Have you had an MRI Scan done ? If not, here is an heads up. It is so irritating. The sounds that the machine makes is like the sounds that comes out of the Yamaha Keyboard when my nephew or any 2-3 year old plays (not a genius, but simple kids) on it without knowing anything about the sound. For them everything is nice (and they expect you to appreciate it too). Its so random, so chaotic , so irritating (oh! I already said that). Well you get the picture. And the way you feel is like this. Imagine yourself standing between two huge , very huge bells (the ones in the churches at the top, yeah that one). Now (even in imagination put your headphones….otherwise it will hurt your ears) ask two people on either side to ring it. The vibrations that come out of both sides will travel through you. You will feel the vibrations inside you in every cell. That is how it will feel like. Of course, all this you will experience if and only if you are not asleep and are in a panicked state like me. If you are a person who can sleep through anything, then you will have no problems.

I was scared to the end of my wits because I had to wait for another day to get the result of the scan and how to proceed with it, but I was never glad to run out of the hospital so much that day. I was running from that doctor (I threatened my friend to accompany me the next day too…because I didn’t want to get caught alone if he is indeed considering a career change) and from doing anything like the MRI scan again (unless they sedate me) and from what the results are going to be. Now I know what it is and have accepted it (doesn’t take long for me) I have to work on it and become hale and healthy again. If not for anything else, just to avoid the doctors and the hospitals. I still will help others in need , it is just not my cup of tea.

P.S. This is not to belittle anyone or anything (doctors/health issues/hospitals), just a funny take of the incident. Just in case someone feels offended, thought of putting it out there 🙂