Dead Good Thoughts

In the recent times, we have watched some documentaries or series which are based on pensioners, most of them popular. Hard to Please OAP’s, The Real Marigold on Tour are some of them. Don’t ask me why. It is one of those things that you unconsciously start doing without realizing that you are turning into a pensioner or simply getting old.

Now, without digressing anymore let me tell you about this series that we watched. Miriam’s Dead Good Adventures. I am not sure how many of you will be able to watch this series, but I am glad I got the opportunity to watch it. Death is not a favourite topic of conversation. Even though it is an essential one, it is very difficult to bring it up conversationally and be able to talk about it freely. We feel like we are jinxing ourselves. That is why I am glad to see this 2 episode series.

In this Miriam tries to confront her fear of death and attempts a few things that are being done in different places to help her with that. She also talks to a few people who have had a brush with death or who are close to the edge. There are lot of things that are covered in these episodes, but I was glad that my doubts were also discussed.

I have never been afraid of death. I am afraid of not being able to function to my full capability but never about death. I have had two schools of thought and I keep changing from one to other at various times. Do I like to have some time before my death or do I want to have a quick and speedy death?

I am a planner. I like planning stuff and getting it done and ticking the items on the list and feeling happy about it. I am not manic about it, but I like it. I like to see that I have sorted my affairs without causing much trouble for others. So, for very long I have been in favor of having some time before my death so that I can sort out my affairs, make sure my folks know my laptop and account passwords, they know what I have written on my will and how it has to be executed, where do I want my ash spread (I want to be cremated after donating as much of my well-functioning organs) etc. etc.

Now for that I would have to either know my time of death (through astrology probably or some other magical means), or be given a time range because of some incurable disease. Now that throws up a question. It is not very easy to predict someone’s death time (even though I have heard that astrology can help you with that), and the other option means that I would be suffering an incurable disease. The fact that the disease is incurable or it is in a stage where it is incurable means that it is going to be a lot more painful that my monthly periods and that is something I hate. I hate my menstrual cramps. Anything else I can bear. Would I want to suffer that pain?

When I think in those lines, I move towards the other option. Wouldn’t it be great to just drop dead and not feel anything? Let the others who are left behind deal with what is left of me, because I wouldn’t know or care after I am dead, would I? Now just thinking about this makes me feel not want to choose this option. I get very tetchy when I don’t set out what I want after death, but again would I even know if my wishes were fulfilled once I am dead? Would my soul hover around those to whom I have given the list of things to do and haunt them until they do it? Since I don’t know about that, there is no point in me actually taking time to sort things out isn’t.

Now the whole post went in to a rant mode didn’t it? You see what I mean when I say I am not very sure of how I want it to be? Of course, at the end, I might not have a choice at all, as is mostly the case. Would I give up and ask them to pull the plug? I might. Depends on what the situation is. But having let my thought process out and wondering what my next option on that would be, I know that deep down I would love to have a little bit of time at least to say goodbye to the people I love, one last time. Would I have enough of good karma to have that time? Only time will tell.

A new year, a new change

Changes are never easy. For a person who loves plans and scheduled agenda, life does throw a lot of curve balls. In all honesty, it also threw me enough lifelines to survive through those changes.


The decision to leave a high paying software industry employment and to join the education industry wasn’t an easy one. It was done after a lot of thought process and a few voluntary works in the school (after my DBS checks were cleared, of course) to ensure I was making the right choice. That I still had it in me to pursue my favourite profession of younger years. No one was proud of me than my mum when I did make the change as she was a teacher for a while before she had to give it up and she knew that I had always planned on being a teacher, no matter the subject.


I was also lucky to be in the right place at the right time because here in the UK, there was a need for teachers who could teach the science behind computing rather than the ICT that was taught in the schools. My move could not have come at a time better than this. I landed my first ever teaching job in a private school who were looking to expand their computing curriculum in their secondary school and there I was. Win-win for both. I was thrown at the deep end to figure myself out, but thanks to all the resources and online courses that were available and the help of my lovely colleagues, I swam safely to the shore.


Having been in the teaching profession for almost a year and a half, I can confidently say that I made the right choice. There is never a dull moment. There are so many stories that surround you every day that it would be foolish to not enjoy them and soak in the experiences. It also taught me something or the other every day. I never knew or understood about the SEND inside or outside schools. I did not know anything about ADHD. In India, these aren’t specifically addressed in any way in any schools in my time (not that I am that old). I am not sure how it is now. At least from what I know of my nieces and nephews schools, they aren’t any significant changes so far, but there is recognition. I never realised how varied the abilities of the children in a classroom would be and how difficult it actually is to cater to all of them. I had forgotten what it was to learn as a child, how fast they assimilate things and how lazy they can be too. The challenges that come with the children of this day and age being digital natives was another thing. They had an air of self-confidence that comes with them handling digital devices with so much ease that they think they know it all.


It took me a term and a bit to dispel the belief that computer science was all about coding. That the curriculum caters to much more than Scratch and gaming. It was hard work because I did not have anyone to help me through my subject and I had to learn from the results and change my delivery accordingly. I had to make a conscious effort to make the lessons more accessible and more interesting every single week. After 6 terms (which is 2 academic year) I am very happy with the results. There is always room for improvement on my side, but I am very glad that my efforts have started to pay off and at least 75% of the students are interested in the subject and want to pursue it well. I have seen some students who were shy and reserved in the previous year starting to engage and do well in all aspects of the subject (theory and programming). This is the part of the job which makes it very satisfying. I couldn’t have asked for such lovely and warm colleagues, who made some of the tough moments bearable. I wouldn’t have handled the job with such confidence without their help and care. The job, sadly, also comes with a lot of data handling. Sometimes I think there is too much focus on gathering the data rather than doing the teaching. The ratio of actual delivery of teaching to the creating and managing of the data related to teaching is almost 1:3, which ain’t good, as far as I am concerned.

In the software industry, there is always something provided by the organisations for a better work-life balance as the work can be very strenuous (irrespective of whether the employees end up using those facilities or not). I wonder why such a thing is not enforced for teachers. Considering the amount of stress involved in the job and the lack of funding in the education sector, each school should have a way to help the teachers manage their stress and give them a proper work-life balance. I tried to throw in some ideas related to that but it never took root. Hopefully, it will be considered in the future.


I will always be grateful to the school for taking a chance on me and giving me an opportunity to do what I love to do most and I am equally glad that I could deliver to the best of my abilities. As it always happens, there has been a new development and that means a new change. I have been given a new opportunity in a new place in a new setting with regards to teaching. It is an opportunity which is too good to be missed. So, I will be missing my school, my students, my awesome and always supportive colleagues and making my way to a new and a different pasture this new year. Any change brings with it some anxiety, some doubts, some worries, but hopefully with the help of the love and support of the people I have in my life (Mr M, of course, and my friends) I will find my strength to swim my way through this sea of adventure.

Monday Musings

One of those days when suddenly something pops into your mind and refuses to go away. So I decided to tweet it and let it flutter away in the web space.

If I am ever sorry for hurting someone emotionally, it is my mom. Everyone else? They probably deserved it

It has been crazy, lately

Ever since school started things have been a bit crazy (good kind of crazy actually) here. I started by teaching computer science but now I also teach Maths to young kids. Not a big deal because high school maths isn’t difficult for me, but then I almost have a whole day of teaching to do and then planning for the next day teaching etc. Apart from that, we had school inspection this week which made it crazier. Today is the first day after the school reopening where I am sitting on my couch doing nothing and just thinking if and when should I be having my breakfast and it is already 10 am 😉

Last weekend we had been to a 2-day spiritual retreat conducted by Skandavale folks in Gilwell Park. It was nice. The place was lovely. Amidst the Epping forest, with Scouts roaming around, we had our own cocoon of spiritual talks and singing (not that I did, but I got to listen) and food (amazing!) and lots of volunteering.

I haven’t had time to check news or blogs or new music for that matter. I sincerely hope the season of hurricanes and earthquakes are over now. There has been enough destruction already and as if people don’t do enough of those by themselves. We are already in the Autumn season as of yesterday night when the Autumn solstice started. There is definitely a change in the weather. That extra bit of chill and the moment you step out and blow out air, you can see the smoke effect (which is something I am rather fond of doing 😉 ) I will try and get through the posts this weekend. Stay safe, keep yourself warm and cosy and keep smiling.

WPC: Path

Sometimes, we find our thoughts echoed on our pathway.
IMG_0540.jpg