That day when my heart almost gave up on me

In most of the tube stations here in London, we do not have stairs. We always have the escalators or a lift. I try and take the stairs when and where available and if it’s easily accessible too. One day on my way to school, I decided to use the Hampstead station route. I have been through this station and always noticed that no one ever uses the stairs, not that I had noticed one anyway. That day for some reason I saw the sign to go through the stairs and it was kind of tucked in a corner. That should have blinked the red lights…but I can be colour blind sometimes and I wondered why do I have to wait for those lifts (one of the four was out of order)? Let me just climb the stairs. It said, “There are 320 steps and do not use it unless it is an emergency”. Now we know that those are standard legal terms that they write everywhere. 320 isn’t much, is it? So I just started climbing the stairs.

Slowly and steadily as I climbed step by step my mind started to realize that there wasn’t anyone else climbing other than moi and then it slowly began to realize that there was a reason for that number 320 and the steps being tucked away in a corner. I must have climbed almost halfway through it when my heart decided that enough is enough. I literally thought it would stop breathing. I had my asthma inhaler with me, but I had already used my reliever one in the morning so there shouldn’t be a need for me to use one for another 12 hours minimum.

I thought I must be halfway already and there would be no point going down and taking the lift, so I might as well just climb the remaining stairs albeit very very slowly. In order to divert my brain from the panic rising in my heart, I started imagining a scenario where I am closer to the end of the stairs, even though when I looked up I could only see more steps curling and curling with no end, and that people are waiting for me with a camera and a mic and giving a live commentary about how close I was to making it through…yadda yadda yadda… I saw myself finally climb those last few steps and those people looking at me like I am a fool to even attempt it but then also praising me for my valiant efforts on completing it. With those scenes playing in my mind and willing my heart to give it’s all (I haven’t made my will yet… and I wanted to be conscious when I finally reach to make one) I finally made it. I almost crawled the last few steps. There wasn’t a soul around to see me and if there was one, they must have thought me a numpty to even attempt such a thing.

My legs almost gave up on me and that wasn’t the end of it. I still had to reach my school which was another 10 mins of drive from there by bus. I ended up having another dose of my inhaler and couldn’t speak for almost half of the day. My throat was all scratchy from trying to breathe. One of my colleague who saw me in such a bizarre state asked about it and I told her about my expedition of the day and she said that Hampstead was the steepest of the climbs and that is why people do not use the stairs in that station. I felt so dumb. Not my finest Monday I should say. My thinking was all muddled up that morning (I will blame the weekend!)

A couple of weeks later, one of my colleague came in the bus I was in and she almost fell down getting to her seat. On enquiry, she said that she just climbed the 320 stairs which she hadn’t known was that steep and it almost killed her. I sat back a little relieved that I wasn’t the only one 😉

Just Feel

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.-Albert Schweitzer

I am sure every one of us had felt that. I am grateful to a lot of people who have always helped me out every time I needed a word,or a gesture, with or without their knowledge. I think this song could be appropriate for my current situation because I have waited for this change that is going to come. It does bring a lot of mixed feelings but I am looking forward to it (will tell you all about it later), let myself feel whatever I want to feel and let Picasso to take the wheel 😉

Here is, Bulletproof Picasso by Train, for this week’s Song Lyric Sunday.

Lyrics from A-Z Lyrics

Am I made of paper?
Cause I tear so easily
Am I made of vapor?
Because I disappear
Do I have to have a reason
For anything I feel
Just be glad I’m real
Glad I’m real
Am I real?

Are you made of lead paint?
A bulletproof Picasso
All the virgin saints
Put you here to care for me
I don’t need a reason
For anything I feel
Just be glad I say what I mean
And mean what I say to you

We don’t need a reason
For anything we feel
We don’t need a reason
Picasso’s at the wheel
So roll that top down, hell with this town
Leave our bags behind
We don’t need a reason
Cause I got you, and you got me tonight

(Cause I got you, and you got me tonight)

Did you ever see the waves break
Into a million pieces
Or stay awake
With someone who was dying
You don’t need to tell me
Anything at all
I’m just glad you’re here
Glad you’re real
Are you real?

Am I made of timber?
Cause I’m on fire
Will you remember
Tonight for very long
You don’t need to sell me
On anything at all
Just say what you mean
And mean what you say to me

We don’t need a reason
For anything we feel
We don’t need a reason
Picasso’s at the wheel
So roll that top down, hell with this town
Leave our bags behind
We don’t need a reason
Cause I got you, and you got me tonight

Amber waves of grain
Fly by highway lanes
Waited for this change
Seems like my entire life
If only the good die young
We’ll outlast everyone
For some of the things we’ve done
And we’ve just begun

We don’t need a reason
For anything we feel
We don’t need a reason
Picasso’s at the wheel
So roll that top down, hell with this town
Leave our bags behind
We don’t need a reason
Cause I got you, and you got me tonight

Woah-oh oh
Oh-oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

You got me tonight
You got me tonight
You got me

Posting it for this week’s Song Lyric Sunday.
So, our theme for Song Lyric Sunday is to post a song about gratitude.


Cosmic Musicology: If You’re Happy And You Know It – Join In Now

Time again for Steve’s Cosmic Musicology questions and answers.

Diving right into this week’s questions (with fingers crossed)

What makes me laugh…?   The Verve – Bitter Sweet Symphony

I accept that I am not a fan of Symphony or Instrumentals, but I don’t think I would laugh when I hear them.

What makes me cry…? Train – Drops of Jupiter

This song might make me sad, even if not cry. Any emotional stuff and I am affected, but it should have to be really very touching to make me shed tears (e.g. I did wail when Dumbledore died in the book, I did cry when Hazel and Gus share their first kiss in Fault in our Stars book etc etc)

What makes me mad…? OneRepublic – Counting Stars

I don’t think anyone would be happy about counting stars!? I would definitely go raving mad if I had to do that.