Recently when I was discussing with someone about talking to my mom about an issue, I told them that I am never sure how she would react to something I tell her. In my experience, I have always seen that when I expect her to be all shocked and flabbergasted in turn leading me to some slight high pressure moments, she goes like ‘hmmm…’ and then nothing… and then my pressure drops suddenly. That is never good. And then when I expect her to be accepting, she becomes all cranky and reacts as if I have gone back in time and have meddled with the events and hence meddled with the future too…as if the whole evolution is my fault. That is when I go on a ‘WTH just happened’ mode and I can never find a way out of it.
During that discussion, I found out one thing. I am not sure if that is true, but I know that I have been there once and I will never forget that moment. So probably this is what goes through my mom’s mind too and why she reacts that way. Are you ready ? OK…here it goes.
Let’s take an example. I was pretty sure, she was gonna go ballistic on me when I tell her that I got a tattoo done. So, I start with ‘hey mom…you know what… I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time now..but never found out the right time….I know it was a risky thing to do but then…’ pause for some effect. Now as soon as I open the line… ‘I have been meaning’….my mom’s mind creates a whole mind map thing and creates if’s and what if’s and what I might have done…and it invariably goes to the worse case scenario and she starts to think, what has she done now…is it related to her life, has she done something again that will harm her, what am I supposed to do, why is she like this ? etc etc etc…and after a few nano seconds where she has all the worse possible things I could tell her, she is now waiting for me to choose the worst from them.
And she is already planning arguments, counter arguments or ways to accept in her own way…and by the time I am there to tell her about the tattoo…she has got a spectrum of bad things I can tell her to the worst things I can tell her.
Now if what I tell her falls in the lesser than bad point of the spectrum, then she goes with ‘hmmm…its not a big deal’ ( and in her mind she thinks…at least it is not as bad as I thought…Good Lord! and has a mental phew! moment) but if it falls on the other end of it , that is worse than the worst of her spectrum, she goes ballistic. Because she hasn’t mentally prepared herself for it even a teeny tiny bit. And if it is within the spectrum, she is ready for the battle with her arguments all mapped out.
So with my tattoo…I guess it was on the lowest scale of her spectrum and she just went….’you are nuts!’ and left it there and never spoke of it again.
I am sure, this may not make much sense…but it could a possible scenario to consider isn’t , especially when you are trying to figure out people and their reactions 😉 ?